Due to circumstances, my husband and I found that on top of moving into our new home (Month 0): We had 2 months before our first wedding ceremony (Month 2) and according to the "chosen" dates, 5 months before our last wedding ceremony (Month 5).
...&...
We managed! quite admirably I must say.
Here's how I planned 5 full-scale weddings, in 4 destinations to our maximum satisfaction in 2 months with a budget of SGD30,000! ^^
Step 1: Decide on 3 things that are important to you & your spouse!
(to the tune of "Baa Baa Black Sheep")
Decisions to make for the wedding~1 for the bridegroom, 1 for the bride and 1 for spare in case someone has more to decide!
KPIs
Groom: Do whatever it takes to make the parents happy. There will be no rebutting on the parents' wishes.
Bride: Keep the total expense of the wedding below SGD 30,000 before any ang pao type expense or offset. This meant expenses included air tickets and accommodation.
Both: Delicious food is a must! Our favourite weddings that we attended were the tastiest!
Once you have the 3 most important things decided, the rest of the decisions, order of evaluation, prioritization and decoupling of choices come very easily and quickly.
For example, the specific locations of our wedding banquets were decided very quickly based on the above KPIs.
To fulfil the bride's parents' wishes of maximum attendance by their family and the ceremonial weddings on their chosen dates, we had the weddings in 5 locations: 2 locations in Singapore (ROM and ceremonial), 3 in Malaysia (Penang, Johor and Sarawak).
To fulfil our desire for great food, we first looked at restaurants. After all, the kitchen that best provides good food is one that makes providing good food its livelihood.
To keep it to a budget, we decided early on that food will take up the majority of our expenses and to invite the smallest possible number of guests that fit the criteria "whatever it took to make the parents happy". Luckily, that meant the extended family only. ^^
In Singapore, we dined at 3 of the potential restaurants and evaluated their ambience, taste of the food and wedding packages. We then treated our parents to a meal at the restaurant of our choice. The groom's parents had a counter-offer and treated us to a meal at the alternative restaurant. The food was scrumptious and we decided on the Chui Huay Lim Club Teochew Restaurant by Jumbo.
In Malaysia, after we communicated our criteria for good food, the final decisions for all aspects of the wedding were left to our cousins and aunts who our parents were liaising with. In Sarawak (Month 2 and the first wedding), I was even lucky enough to sample the restaurant food prior to the wedding at a cousin's wedding! (Month 0)
Psst... in case you are curious, the cost of the wedding dinner in Singapore Teochew Club was 3x that of Penang Top Restaurant and 9x that of Sarawak Hotel Restaurant.
Step 2: Use the templates!
1 decision uses up 1 HP. With that in mind, there comes the understanding that there will only be a limited number of decisions you can make prior to the wedding.
People do what they are used to best!
Ever requested changes to your online food order but have it arrive as the default serving? The default template is there for a reason. It is what the company have found that the staff do best due to the frequency of muscle memory. Want to stand out and make changes? Sure. Just remember that for every change to a default template, there is an increased risk of things not turning out the way you want it to.
Experiences are the best teachers!
Templates are there for a reason. They are drawn up by experienced personnel who can and will advise you how modifications can be made, what modifications are easy to implement and what modifications are not advisable.
Hence, our wedding menus was even easier to decide: We agreed on using the template menu, making only few and small modifications such as the type of fish used to ensure that the final day will go well (as per the parents' choices).
Step 3: Communicate your needs and wants!
No one shares the exact same experiences growing up, and even if they do, because of the weight placed on differing values, the choices made may be different for each and every person. So don't expect them to know what you need. & Don't be shy about asking for what you want. After all, if you don't ask for a gift, you can't receive it. Remember that prior to receiving a Christmas gift you want, you would have written down, prayed aloud or communicated in other forms what you wanted to Santa right?
For me, I heard a lot of bride and groom didn't get to eat their wedding dinner until after the wedding. Even then, most times the food is cold and stale or if it is warm and hot, it is likely a different meal from what the guests ate.
When we shared with the restaurant co-ordinator that we thought it was a pity that we did not get to enjoy our favourite fish dish fresh, he suggested re-arranging the walk-in schedule such that it falls before the 5th dish and arranging for us to enjoy the fish in a hidden alcove prior to the walk-in. It was so scrumptious! It was the highlight of my Singapore wedding, the delicious succulent fish that I went back to the restaurant to enjoy a few more times. ^^
We wanted to end the Singapore wedding at 10pm so that the relatives who drove down from Malaysia could reach home by midnight. When we communicated the need and our reasons behind it, all the relatives were very kind and punctual for our wedding dinner. We truly appreciated their contribution in towards everything running on schedule!
Be clear, specific and concise about it.
When I asked for help from my team of 9, I gave them very specific instructions on what input we required from them, what they had free play on, what assistance we needed and a task list that helped everyone saw where we are at.
For example, for my bridesmaids, I told them that I would pay for the make-up artist of their choice, that they would need to be attired in a pale blue dress of their choice, a pink corsage would be provided, the reporting time and venue, the time they need to be present during the day, the photo-taking and their duties as ushers and/or my dress assistants in the evening at the start of the banquet.
I also provided the exact word and trigger for the prompts for what my team had to communicate with each other during the wedding ceremony (e.g. set-off from venue A) so that everybody in the team is always clear and ready to start the next segment.
Give them the tools they need to succeed.
Only you know what you need, what you want and can express it to others. The team is here to help you, and not to get frustrated playing "Guess My Mind!" with the to-be-wed couple. It also expedites matters, increases efficiency and make it a lot easier for people to say "yes" to helping and getting on board with the idea.
For my groomsmen, we provided the text they needed to memorise and read during the tea ceremony session. I also did a trial drive through with the chauffeur in the D-Day car so that he would know the route and car by experience, in addition to the provided GPS, maps, postal codes, contact numbers of key personnel and the prompts he would receive from key personnel.
Step 4: Backups!
"Anything that can go wrong will go wrong".
At first, it was amusing and a little ridiculous that I planned up to 9 backup drivers. However, after the 6 hour notice prior to the wedding commencement when the chauffeur for my entourage back out - I was so thankful for it. Number 3 and 4 backup chauffeur were my bridesmaids who had finished work at 3am and supported me with the rest of their wedding duties admirably to the end. Number 9 chauffeur was our kind backup photographer who sent me very beautiful photos of my happy day and chauffeured other guests around.
Our final chauffeur of the day for our entourage was our hired photographer, who took amazing photos and put together a beautiful wedding collage video of our happy day.
Another example of getting around Murphy's law - I lost my wedding veil on the morning of the wedding and was totally chill about it - it didn't contribute to the big 3 KPIs. Luckily though, my husband found the veil and succeeded on picking me up on his third trip to my home. ^^
Planning a wedding is really an event management execution that is simple, not too taxing and leaves you room for fun!
